All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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