Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
it's like iHOP with fire
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
