Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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