I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
