ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
