i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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