Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
