We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
