I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
