What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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