Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
