All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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