Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
