I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
