I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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