I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
