i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
