her vagine was all disorganized.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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