I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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