i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
