meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
