I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
