He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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