I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize