found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
