Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
