I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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