Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
