Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Found the puke drawer
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
