I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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