Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
