The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
