What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
