I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
