please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
