Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
