Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
