me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
