apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
