I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
