Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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