Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
