Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I supernannyed him into submission
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
