You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
