so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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