well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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