After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
