I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
