So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
