so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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