dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
