is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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