I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Someone came in the potted fern
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
