Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
