my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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