I'm sorry my penis didn't work
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
