2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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