Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That was an excessively violent trivia night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
