Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
