The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
