I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
