in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize