would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
