Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
