You smell like a Billy Joel song
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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