hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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