you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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