so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
