He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I believe in your delicious
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize