So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
